by Jerry Wagner, Ph.D.

RESILIENCE

     Evolutionarily speaking, the nine Enneagram styles may have been around for a long time.  What has helped each survive and thrive for 50000+ years?  Since we are the inheriting beneficiaries of their characteristics, we, too, have access to their resiliencies.  And, presuming human nature contains all that is human within it, what makes each style resilient so we can profit from all of them?

STRESS

     Stress is a challenge to our resilience.  Is there such a thing as good stress and bad stress or inevitable suffering and unnecessary suffering?  Some stress and suffering come from being alive and some we bring on ourselves.

     How does stress effect each Enneagram style?  What’s good stress for each style?  (Like the late Congressman John Lewis’s notion of “good trouble”.) And how does each style create their own distress?  What’s the natural resilience of each style?  And how does overdoing a good thing (eustress) bring about a bad thing (distress)?

EUSTRESS

     Somewhere in every introductory psychology textbook is a chart that looks like a bell curve or a Volkswagen Beetle that shows an optimal level of functioning and arousal at the top of the bell curve.  To function at our best, we need a little stimulation, excitement, anxiety to get us up for the game.

DISTRESS

      If we are feeling too confident or relaxed, we don’t exert enough effort to function optimally to win the game or at least play well.  On the left side at the bottom of the beginning of the curve lies sleep.  This is where my undergraduate students dwelled.  If there is not enough stimulation or if we are bored, we fall asleep.  Unless we do something to wake up and get excited.  Fidget, check the latest sales on Google, pull the hair of the person in front of us.  (No, wait, that was grade school.)

     If we get too excited (like when I talk about the Enneagram) or overly anxious (like our scholarship depends on passing this test or our opponent just won their last 127 games), this extra energy interferes with our optimal functioning and we flub the fingering of that Bach cantata or hit the ball into the net or, in my case, into another fairway.  At the bottom on the right side or downside of that bell curve lies a panic attack, the end result of too much anxiety.

     A little excitement and nervousness promote optimal functioning; too much stimulation leads to shutting down, tuning out, and falling asleep or ramping up, spinning out, and shooting energy in all directions, like a Van de Graaff generator. 

     So, what does each Enneagram style do to reach optimal functioning?  How does just the right amount of stress become eustress?  What characteristics make each style resilient? And how does each style overdo their strategies to create distress?  Like the three little pigs, you want your porridge not too cold, not too hot, but just right.  Which brings us to the ONES.

ENNEAGRAM STYLES

ONE

     What gets ONES motivated, functioning optimally, and what is their natural resilience?

     ONES get up for the game by wanting to perform really well.  They want to do all they can to make a really good product – whether it be a good term paper, a good chicken fricassee, a good relationship with their spouse and children – anything they are engaged in.  They have a passion for excellence and feel good when they have done something exceptionally well.   Excellence is its own reward and is eustress at its best.

      ONES’ resilience comes from their desire to be all they can be and do what they are doing impeccably.  They are naturally persistent, conscientious, responsible, intense (like a laser, not a forest fire.)

     ONES’ idealism is a source of their resilience.  They have the vision and drive to make the world a better place.  Their inner sense of rightness propels them to act and no obstacle is going to stand between them and their mission.   They might be deterred but not defeated.  They are willing to sacrifice for their ideals and they get a sense of satisfaction in doing the right thing.  They appreciate order, the proper way of proceeding.  Conviction, conscientiousness, clarity aid them, and us, in their journey. 

    These are words ONES use to describe their resilience:

Detail – rule – policies – order – justice – integrity – conscientious – responsible – purpose driven – principle centered – hard working – earnest – committed – clarity – vision – trust in basic goodness – dutiful – Integrity – self-controlled – disciplined – quality-minded – precise -thorough – fair – ethical – upstanding – organized.

     While these qualities come somewhat naturally to ONES, we are all capable of acquiring and using them.

     When confronting a stressful situation, we might ask ourselves: What is the right thing to do?  What does integrity require?

     So, what’s the ONES’ version of turning good news into bad news?  Doing too much of a good thing.  Want to distress yourself?  Tell yourself you HAVEto be perfect and do everything impeccably.  If you want to be loved and accepted, you have to be right and you can’t make mistakes.  Who says so?  The ONES.  Or their ONE parents, teachers, church, culture, etc.   Being a good person leads to optimal functioning.  Being a perfect person leads to why bother trying or dying trying.  Neither bring about particularly good results.  I like the English essayist G.K. Chesterton said: “Anything worth doing is worth doing half well.”  Not a good clarinet player?  No matter.  Making music is a good thing.  Either Chesterton was not a ONE or was a reformed ONE.

     ONES bring on themselves distress and unnecessary suffering by trying to be perfect.  Too many “shoulds” make their blood pressure and resentment rise.  They need to find that happy point between not trying and trying too hard.  “I’m doing the best I can with what I have available right now.”  See the 12-step prayer for wisdom.

TWO

     What gets TWOS motivated, functioning optimally, and what is their natural resilience?

     TWOS say they enjoy giving and loving and being helpful.   It’s something that flows naturally from their nature.  They are attuned, both innately and through practice, to other’s feelings and needs.  And they generously respond to others’ requirements.  Giving is their version of a “flow” state. It’s almost like they cannot not help.  It comes easily and naturally and is intrinsically reinforcing.  Getting appreciation is a nice bonus, but not required.

     Seeking out connections and relationships contributes to their own as well as others’ well-being.  Forming community fosters their resilience.  Their optimism and prosocial nature help them survive and thrive by giving them meaning and purpose, and ferrying them through life in the company of others.

     Empathic attunement is a key to surviving and thriving.  Love, nurturing, care keep us all going.  Isolation leads to death; relating leads to life.  TWOS see the best in people and care about them.  Love is a powerful source of both their resiliency and authority.      

     Here’s a quote from a TWO:

Whenever I was devastated, degraded, and deprived, I relied on my ability to LOVE.  Love kept me going (my wing THREE).  Love kept me from being overwhelmed by feelings of revenge and hatred (resisting the EIGHT arrow).  Love gave me faith and hope for the future. Love for myself kept me alive.  Love of God kept me grounded in doing what’s right (right wing ONE). Love gave me creative ideas for maintaining relationships (my FOUR arrow). At the same time my healthy gut EIGHT gave me the energy to draw strong boundaries for my own self-respect.

     These are words TWOS use to describe their resilience:

Connected – related – inclusive – compassion – adaptable – humility – love – attunement –optimistic – generous – helpful – friendly – caring – supportive – encouraging – warm hearted.

     When confronting a stressful situation, we might ask ourselves: What is the loving thing to do?  What does love require?

     And how do TWOS invite distress into their lives?  By doing too much of the above.  Their helping becomes something they HAVE to do to gain approval and avoid rejection.  They erringly believe their worth comes more from giving themselves than simply being themselves.  To get their needs met, they have to meet everyone else’s needs first.  And since, according to the rules of their TWO paradigm, they are not allowed to ask for what they want, they have to indirectly get their needs met.  We, of course, don’t catch onto what they need, since they’ve never expressed them. So, they get resentful.  And that’s stressful.

     So, how do they reduce this brought-on distress?   Acknowledge and express their needs.  It won’t kill us or them and it surprisingly makes them even more lovable.  Who would’ve thought?

THREE

     What gets THREES motivated, functioning optimally, and what is their natural resilience?

     THREES get energy and satisfaction from getting things accomplished.  A good day for THREES is when they got a lot done.  They like progress. They like to win.   A particularly irascible famous tennis player said it wasn’t so much winning that he liked; he hated losing.  They enjoy promoting their products and rallying their team.  

     They value movement.  “Motion is the lotion,” as my physician likes to say.  When an obstacle presents itself, keep moving.  Go around it, over it, under it, through it.  But don’t let it stop you from getting to your goal.  Perhaps THREES were the original peripatetic philosophers.  They thought best while walking.

      Pushing, challenging, competing get their energy up. Like the “little engine that could,” they believe they can do it.  And like the Phoenix rising from the ashes, THREES don’t stay down for the count very long.  Failures are just learning experiences for what doesn’t work.  Try something else.  Don’t give up.  This “go get ‘em” attitude keeps THREES and us going.   Their confidence, competence, and enthusiasm carry us along.

     These are the words THREES use in describing their resilience:   

Efficient – competent — get things done – don’t waste time – detail – network – motivated by challenges – optimistic – high expectations – self-motivated – friendly – outgoing – positive – enthusiastic – energy – confidence – can do – multi task – industrious – focused – persevering – order – engage – proactive – keep moving – start stuff – organized – adaptable –- self-driven – energetic – dynamic – efficient – pragmatic – ambitious – productive.

     When confronting a stressful situation, we might ask ourselves: What is the most productive and effective thing to do? What will get results?

     How do THREES distress themselves and bring on unnecessary suffering?  They push themselves too much, straining their emotional and physical muscles.  The body wears out and the psyche gets depressed.  Instead of bringing us along with them, they run over us or drag us along.  So, they are either out there ahead alone or they are running with logs (us) tied to their legs.

     They manufacture the wrong idea that they MUST succeed in order to be admired and be sent to the head of the class or the corner office verses relegated to the back row or the cubicle.  They confuse being effective with being a workaholic.  Burning out is the THREES’ version of the Phoenix.  Fortunately, as we saw, they frequently rise from the ashes of bankruptcy, divorce, lost tournaments, etc.

     When we’re in a “flow” state, our actions flow effortlessly.  When we’re rushing instead of flowing, we miss the present.  As the proverb advises: “Slow down and smell the roses.”  Which brings us to beauty and the FOURS.

FOUR

     What gets FOURS motivated, functioning optimally, and what is their natural resilience?

     FOURS function well in the sea of feelings and imagination.  Their feelings give them energy; their imagination gives them hope and direction.  FOURS remind us that creativity is very healing and life-giving, as is beauty.  We can only take so much ugliness before we get sick to our stomach and soul.  A forest cleansing refreshes the spirit.

    FOURS are sensitive to suffering – their own and others – which helps them process it and find meaning in it, which is a source of resiliency in FOURS.  It addresses those four givens that existentialists talk about: death, responsibility, isolation, meaninglessness.  Subjects that most of us would prefer to avoid.  But FOURS invite us to the depths of our existence.  While we might say: “No thanks;” they say: “Don’t be afraid of the dark.  Make friends with your shadow.  There’s a lot of good stuff there.”

    FOURS recognize the value of suffering.  Their long-suffering helps them endure and deepen.  They find meaning and significance in sorrow.  They can take in suffering and turn it into a “creative malady.”   Through mastering their struggle, they can guide us through ours.  Their suffering doesn’t have to turn them in on themselves but can lead them to being “wounded healers.” 

     They have an inner power of emotion and connection. FOURS can expand to take in the breadth and depth of feelings.  This capacity draws others to them and connects them to the mainland.  Their ongoing search for meaning and authenticity enriches all of our lives.  Their spirituality gives them a longing to get through the dark to get to the light.

      When confronting a stressful situation, we might ask ourselves: What would our authentic self do? How can we bring beauty to bear here?

     These are the words FOURS use in describing their resilience:   

Presence – awareness – depth – creativity – imagination – understanding – think outside box – meaning – connection – passion – balance – vision – endure pain – expressive – creative –sensitive, — original – intuitive – perceptive – unique

     So how do FOURS bring on distress and unnecessary suffering vs. the “necessary losses” that come with existence?  They spend too much time in the shadows and not enough time in the light.  Their melancholy or sweet sadness descends into depression and they tire of life.  Their suffering makes them special and appears in their subtypes when they become long-suffering, or wear their suffering on their sleeves, or make us suffer for all we’ve done to them.

     They get the wrong idea that there is something wrong with them and they are missing something.  Their ego misses what is there.  They might salubriously repeat the mantra: “Right now, I have everything I need to be perfectly happy.”  No need to be depressed or enviously look around at others’ good fortune.  You already have what you are longing for.  Recall Dorothy, the scarecrow, tin man, and cowardly lion.  They were already home, had a brain, a heart, and guts.  All three centers bring us home.  Can’t beat it.

FIVE

     What gets FIVES motivated, functioning optimally, and what is their natural resilience?

     FIVES function well in the land of concepts.  Thinking turns them on.  Their passions are of the mind.  This may sound pathetic unless you’re a FIVE.  A little analysis, a little connecting the dots, a little seeing how this situation fits in with the big picture, a little research into the best product for the best price – all these get FIVES excited and up for the game.  FIVES love to learn.

     Their ability to detach, stand back (but not stand down), be objective, let their inner observer notice what’s going on are all sources of resilience for FIVES.  In Karen Horney’s theory, in the circumstances we find ourselves in we all need to move towards in cooperation, move against in assertion, and move away from in detachment.  FIVES got the moving away from down; EIGHTS specialize in moving against; while TWOS are really good at moving towards.

     FIVES are good listeners and are perceptive.  Then they need to act on what they hear and see.  When they let themselves experience, they learn good judgment from their experience.  And experience comes from bad judgment.  We learn from our mistakes.  Hence the gift of the FIVE: wisdom.

     By showing us how to use it, FIVES remind us that we all have an “inner observer,” an internal “fair witness.”  FIVES can step back to unattach and observe.   This freedom allows them to make wise decisions.  From an objective distance, they can get the whole picture and then contribute to, challenge, or step away from the scene.  Looking before leaping doesn’t mean not acting.  It means mindful acting. Prudence, being guided by reason, can be effective, not boring. 

     When confronting a stressful situation, we might ask ourselves: What would our wise self say about this? What is the reasonable thing to do?

     FIVES’ resilience shows up as an ability to weather difficult and intense emotions through distancing and objectivity; through perspective-taking to see all sides of a situation before reacting; through creating and maintaining boundaries in various settings; by persevering, especially when learning something new (e.g. meditation techniques, coding, etc.); by being self-reliant; and not taking things so personally. 

     These are the words FIVES use in describing their resilience:   

Logical problem solving – analysis – connect dots – science – non-attachment – inventors – innovation – detachment – objective – perspective – observant – clarity – figure it out – flexibility in models – curiosity – critical thinking – perceptive – innovative — observant – logical – knowledgeable – reasonable – analytical –self-reliant –detached – now what – don’t look back

     So, how do FIVES distress themselves?  They think too much and may experience analysis paralysis.  Sometimes “the heart has reasons that reason knows not of.”  Thank you, Blasé Pascal.  And sometimes the body knows and “keeps the score.”  Thank you, Bessel Van Der Kolk.  Sometimes FIVES need to cede their head’s pride of place to their heart or gut.  Or, keep all three; IQ, EQ, and SQ.  Thank you, George Gurdjieff.

     Backing into their cave and refusing to come out leads to unnecessary suffering for FIVES.  It gets cold, sparse, and boring in the castle.  FIVES fear being deprived.  But who’s doing the depriving?  If FIVES believe the world is withholding, they offer their own withholding in return.

     In addition, their loner stance leads to not speaking up, not saying what they want or don’t want, and not asking for help — all of which bring about more trouble and suffering than they would have us believe.

SIX

    What gets SIXES motivated, functioning optimally, and what is their natural resilience?

     The good and the bad news for SIXES is their fear and anxiety get them up for the game.  Too little energy and they fall asleep like NINES; too much anxiety and they tremble and doubt like, well, SIXES; just the right amount of stimulation and they function really well like THREES.

     A modicum of worst-case scenario thinking leads to trouble shooting, problem solving, being prepared, and coming up with Plans A through Z.  Mother Nature has built in an alarm system in the amygdala to help us survive so we can thrive.  When the alarm is stuck on red alert, SIXES spend a lot of energy on mythical monsters.  They are good at scaring themselves.  Their natural safety features malfunction or over-function and become debilitating rather than life-saving.

     Mother nature has also figured out that we survive and thrive best when we are with others.  SIXES are good groupies.  They contribute their skills to the group (like, hey Zebras, there’s a lion over there) and the group in turn shares its wisdom with SIXES through culture.  Pretty good exchange.

     Speaking of being prudent, being cautious is not a bad way to stay alive.  SIXES have been around for a long time because they’re careful.  Their skepticism keeps them, and us, from being misled.   Considering the pitfalls of any given action and devising strategies to deal with those eventualities, SIXES make good trouble-shooters.  Not only do they look before they leap, they have contingency plans for what might happen after they leap.  SIXES also value the law.  It keeps us all safe and operating within the limits of healthy functioning.  If we take in too much sugar, salt, alcohol (or too much of anything), if we experience too much injustice, ugliness, abuse, lifelessness, we get physically and psychically sick.  SIXES are careful about deficiencies and excesses.  They keep us all alive and growing. 

     When confronting a stressful situation, we might ask ourselves: What is the safest choice in this situation? What is the prudent thing to do?

     Here is a quote from a SIX:

I am Type 6, 75 y/o and still a spiritual seeker. After decades of trying just about everything else unsuccessfully, I have found resilience in the motto, “to let go and let God.” The journey on this side of things is a trust walk. Do you place that trust in your own abilities or entrust your life to God’s divine mercy and infinite wisdom? It is very difficult to give up (our illusion of) power and control as we struggle for safety and security in our lives. Even though I am now in my 8th decade on good ol’ terra firma, I still struggle with this. I have found that the more we/ I leave outcomes in God’s hands, the more I trust Him, the less I rely on myself, the less I worry and the more resilience I have when the outcome is not what I hoped or expected. When that happens, I find great comfort in knowing that I am part of a much larger whole, that we are all in this together and this is all headed (by a very circuitous route) somewhere good. I have no idea how we are getting there; I just know that we are. In hindsight I can sometimes see how my action contributed to the success of something much larger than myself. As the Apostle Paul said in Roman’s 8:28, “We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to His purpose.” I really hang my hat on that one.

     These are the words SIXES use in describing their resilience:   

Security from relationships — fear and threat forecasting– fear goes to confidence – engaging—responsible –reliable – prepared – dutiful – sensible – loyal – trustworthy – faithful –truth seeking – structure – committed – persevering – focused – stable – good in crisis – planning – vigilant – questioning – organized – hard workers – caution – problem solvers – courageous – details – contingency plans – values – tradition – early warning – rules

     Like the rest of us, SIXES bring on distress when they engage in too much of a good thing.  They often see danger where there isn’t any.  They get a lot of false positives.  That is, they leave the building in the middle of the night when there isn’t a fire.  On the other hand, staying in the building when there is a fire (a false negative), isn’t a great idea, either.   

     Being alert to hidden intentions or creatures lurking in the bushes is beneficial.  Being paranoid paradoxically leaves one isolated, which Mother Nature discovered was not a good defense.

     While a little self-doubt saves one from the downfall of the proud and over-confident, too much doubt leads to not trusting oneself or others.  Goodbye self-efficacy; hello over-reliance on or suspicion of outer authorities. 

     Erik Erikson said trust and mistrust were skills to be learned in the first stage of our development.  Too much trust and we are Pollyannas; too much distrust and we are paranoids.  Just the right amount of both and we are perfect.  But we’ve already talked about the ONES.  What about the Pollyannas?

SEVEN

     What gets SEVENS motivated, functioning optimally, and what is their natural resilience?

     SEVENS are blessed with an optimistic, sunny, enthusiastic, curious, creative nature.  What’s not to like?  All of this leads to the “Unsinkable Molly Brown.”  SEVENS just keep coming back for more.  We’ll see that this is not an unmixed blessing.  But the optimum amount of optimistic good cheer makes SEVENS very resilient.  It’s hard to keep a helium balloon under water.

     SEVENS have the ability to soar above or ahead of troubles.  Their facility to plan for future fun-filled possibilities gets them moving forward.  In their worldview, the world is their oyster, filled with adventure and all good things.  This is a definite improvement over other world-views that the universe is critical, selfish, chaotic, abandoning, withholding, dangerous, hostile, and uncaring.   As SEVENS say: “Who wouldn’t want to be a SEVEN?”

     Optimism is a powerful prophylactic.  A positive mindset helps us see options and gives us the hope to pursue those options.  SEVENS’ buoyancy keeps them afloat and moving forward.  While the brain is said to be Velcro for negative experiences (we remember the bad things) and Teflon for positive experiences (we forget the good things), SEVENS accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative.  Positive thinking can lead to effective action while negative thinking can stop the show.  Being positive doesn’t have to be pollyannish.  Hoping for the best provides the energy to go for it.

      Abraham Maslow wrote about the “Farther Reaches of Human Nature.”   SEVENS are exploring that.  And we all have that adventuresome spirit. 

     When confronting a stressful situation, we might ask ourselves:  What is the most heuristic option?  What leads to the most choices?  (If we have one choice, we are stuck; if we have two choices, we have a dilemma; if we have three choices, we have an option.)

     Here is a quote from a SEVEN:

     I think for me resilience comes in that positive attitude, I cannot stay down for too long, I will quickly get up and identify what is good, fun, and positive about what is happening AND then joke about it!

     Rationalizing also comes in handy, reframing the experience and seeing it from a different perspective.

     Maybe the 8w also helps, being able to take a lot on, that “I can take it” attitude and that nothing is too much, until then of course it is and I am forced to reach out for help, or distraction.  And with a 7s extended network it comes easily.

     In thinking about it more I think resilience for me is more going into the 5, focusing, staying with what is AND THEN using the positive attitude to get up again. When something happens and I get up too quickly then it leaves an aftertaste. But when something happens, and I stay with it, even if for just a while, look around me, just pause, retreat a bit AND THEN pick myself up, then it feels complete. No aftertaste.

     And one other thoughtful reflection:

    Now for resilience.  My Style 7 patterns lead me to be positive and to look on the bright side when coping with difficulties and troubles.  I realize that this is a result of using my defense mechanism of reframing in order to be okay.  By appearing buoyant, I look to the future and try to move on.  However, buoyancy can mean that I remain on the surface and only process issues at a superficial level.  It’s a way of escaping from suffering, although only temporarily.  By not acknowledging the pain, which comes with loss or disappointment, I allow it to remain beneath the surface ready to re-emerge at a later date.  Style 7 may seem to be one of the more resilientof the 9 Enneagram styles but our resiliencemay not stand the test of time if we have not put in the necessary and sober work to provide it with a strong foundation!

     These are the words SEVENS use in describing their resilience:   

Diversity –different plans and strategies — adaptable – partnership –visionary — positive reframe — inner bounceback — fast action — optimism – gratitude – joie de vivre – energy – hope – laughter – positive – confidence – flexible – inclusive – presence – engaging – joy – happy – dreamers – see possibilities – enthusiasm – innovation – connections – spontaneous – versatile – visionary—charming — light-hearted – friendly — innovative

     How do SEVENS bring on stress and unnecessary suffering?  They try too hard to stay up and avoid getting down.   Once depressed, always depressed they fear. So, look up and look ahead.  But their FOMO, fear of missing out, ironically leads them to missing out on some good things.  They don’t believe anything useful can come from the “Winter of Our Discontent.”   Things do grow in the cold and the dark; suffering can be redemptive; desolation can be as beneficial as consolation.  That’s all pretty much of a stretch for SEVENS.  Try it.  You may not like it.  But it might be good for you.

     By spending too much time in the future, SEVENS don’t savor the present which is the only real time.  They believe that when they get there, they’ll be happy.  Actually, it’s when they get here that they’ll be happy and fulfilled.  Their future-focused fantasies pull them out of the nourishing satisfying experiences in the present.

EIGHT

     What gets EIGHTS motivated, functioning optimally, and what is their natural resilience?

     EIGHTS are said to have the most energy of all the Enneagram types.  They are naturally robust, vital, confident, and decisive.  They believe in “carpe diem.”  Take advantage of opportunities when they present themselves.  “Strike while the iron is hot,” especially useful for blacksmiths.  Obstacles are challenges, not show-stoppers.  An initial “no” is just the opening gambit to “getting to yes.”   They take pride in being independent, autonomous, their own person.  As Fritz Perls pronounced: they’re not here to live up to our expectations; they do their thing; we do our thing.

     They are not overburdened by unnecessary guilt.  They have a winner, come out on top mentality that makes them very resilient.  “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” (Or, get shopping – but that’s the previous type.)

      With their positive outlook, magnanimous heart, and storehouse of energy, EIGHTS are equipped to survive and thrive.

     EIGHTS have a sense of confidence and competence.  Their motto is: “I can do it.”  As the saying goes: “Success comes in cans; failure comes in cants.”   This “can do” spirit keeps them going in the face of adversity and occasional defeat.  They are not afraid of their own power and are not afraid to use it.  Nor do they seem especially intimidated by anyone else’s power.  Getting big is one way to survive just as getting small and disappearing is another way to survive.  We all have an expansive capacity in us as well as the ability to shrink.  When we need to, we can get solid, strong, and upstanding.  The EIGHTS’ sense of justice also impels them which helps them thrive and others survive.

      When confronting a stressful situation, we might ask ourselves: What is the just thing to do?  How much force do I need to bring to bear to move this situation forward?

     These are words EIGHTS use to describe their resilience:

     Will do attitude and energy — resolve and intensity — inner core of strength —   full steam ahead —  guardedness —  this will not happen again —  there’s always a way out vs powerless —  energy –anger —  justice – make decisions – strength – problem solver – doers – enthusiastic – bold – courage – risk taker – confidence – BIG – direct – zeal – force – will – can do – strategic – decisive – vision – passion – long hall – courage – loyal – initiative – zest – intense– self-confidant —  decisive – assertive – direct — self-determined — big-hearted – loyal – dealing with a situation here and now – going full out – denying fatigue and pain — intimidation

     So, how do EIGHTS turn eustress into distress?  By living with too much gusto, intensity, and independence.  We are interdependent beings – not too dependent and not too independent.  Again, balance.  EIGHTS tend to tip the scale to independent, then find themselves unsupported.  Their tough shell protects their tender innards but doesn’t let that inner self be nourished and grow.

     They bring about suffering by sensing slights where there might not be any, then feeling indignant and disrespected, then getting angry, then getting feisty or getting even.  Vengeance is mine, saith the EIGHT.  Most of this is made up and so unnecessary.  They fire up their sympathetic nervous system for a fight that may not have to happen.  Fighting for the underdog is good; fighting imaginary enemies is exhausting.

NINE

     What gets NINES motivated, functioning optimally, and what is their natural resilience?

     Motivation and NINES seems like an oxymoron.  So, what gets them moving and unsettled? Perhaps conflict acts as a negative reinforcement.  With positive reinforcement, you give someone something they want.  With negative reinforcement, you remove something the person doesn’t want. Either works to increase the desired behavior.

      Negative reinforcement generates an obnoxious situation that creates discomfort, pain, anxiety, etc. that we are stimulated to remove.  For example, a fire alarm creates a pain in the ear which leads to leaving the building; a nagging parent creates a pain in the ear which leads to taking out the garbage or doing your homework; a tantrum-throwing two-year old creates a pain in the ear which leads to giving them an ice cream cone, toy, whatever.

      Conflict makes NINES anxious and moves them to employ their best negotiating and mediating skills to reduce the conflict.  Procrastination also initially lessens anxiety.  Avoidance behavior shows up here. Avoid what makes you uncomfortable.  But we’re talking about positive strategies here.

     Staying calm, unflappable, and steady in the face of adversity contribute to the NINE’S resilience.  Their adaptable nature helps them fit into their surroundings to survive and thrive.  They can even adapt to inhospitable environments.  We all need these strategies given the current happenings in nature and politics.

     When NINES are functioning optimally, they don’t get in their own way.  They go with the flow.  They don’t push, reverse, drain, pollute, or otherwise disturb the river.

     Promoting peace and harmony are ways that NINES found to survive and grow.  Looking for ways to resolve conflict and bring opposing parties together and seeing polarities as two sides of the same coin, have enabled NINES to be around for a long time.  Union works better than division, though, optimally, there can be differentiation within unity and harmony.  A peaceful nature, live and let live, is a resilient nature.  An attitude of acceptance, trusting the flow of the universe and going with the flow, is an effortless way of allowing the unfolding of oneself, others, and the cosmos.  Really, there is only one unfolding and that unitary consciousness is what NINES realize.

     When confronting a stressful situation, we might ask ourselves: What approach will bring about the most acceptance, peace, harmony, and integration?

     Here are words that NINES use to describe their resilience:

Reconcile – mediate – calm – network – patient – allowing – content – encouraging – collegial – peace – inclusive – connect dots – facilitator – take various perspectives – harmony – accepting – open – flexible – big picture – curious – receptive — ability to see many sides of an issue –willing to be part of the collective – reassuring – fair – patient – unassuming – diplomatic – gentle – kind — down to earth — peace maker vs peace keeper —   resolve conflict vs avoid conflict —  ebb (9) and flow (3)

     How does being calm, then, bring about distress?  Well, you can burn if you don’t get out of the fiery forest or drown if you don’t get away from the flooding river.   NINES might stay in a dysfunctional family or with an abusive partner much longer than is healthy for them.  Doing nothing doesn’t necessarily bring about change.  Leaning into their EIGHT or ONE wings might be a more proactive way to go.

     Avoiding conflict doesn’t make problems go away.  It just postpones them.  And oftentimes the conflict is worse when you don’t deal with the situation right away.  Avoiding stress at the beginning brings about distress at the end.   Though, NINES do say they function efficiently an hour before the deadline is due.  Perhaps this is their version of eustress or optimal level of arousal.  They rouse themselves from their self-protective lethargy, get focused, get busy, and get the job done.  That sounds a lot like the NINE accessing their inner THREE.  The turtle turns into the hare at the finish line.

SUMMARY

     Each Enneagram style has its own brand of resilience.   That’s why they’re all still around.  And each adaptive strategy contributes to the well being and continued being of the community.  Mother Nature evolved some good instincts and styles.

      The right amount of stress, excitement, and arousal lead to optimal functioning.  Too much or too little energy lead to sub-optimal functioning.  Eustress gets us up for the game; distress takes us out of the game.

      In short, stop distressing yourself and start eustressing yourself.  It’s good for all of us.

by Jerome Wagner, Ph.D.

I was talking with someone who was having difficulty setting limits and boundaries.  And I asked them “Where does your authority come from to do this?”  Kind of reminded me of the Pharisees asking Jesus: “By whose authority do you say this?”  (Odious comparisons are not intended and are not appreciated.) Then, I had to ask myself where does my authority come from?  Followed by, whence does each Enneagram style get their authority?  Then I made up some answers and, uncharacteristically, actually asked some representatives of each enneatype where does their authority come from.   Here are the results.

Ones

I thought ONES get their authority from being right – and they’re usually sure they’re right.  There is a tremendous power in righteousness, not to be confused with self-righteousness.  And I was right!  The ONES said their authority comes from being in the right and being morally right.

Twos

I theorized TWOS’ authority comes from love.  Love is a powerful source of conviction.  And the TWOS said their authority comes from their love for the other person and from their empathy, nurturing, and emotional experience.  They trust their love informs them about what is good for us.   Their ego, on the other hand, might be a tad self-interested.  As an advice columnist observed: “All unsolicited advice is self-serving.”

Threes

I suspected THREES’ authority comes from their competence.  And they humbly admitted that they are good at what they do.  In addition, taking a page from their TWO neighbors, they said their actions arise from their care for others.  They do reside in the middle of the relationship trinity, after all.

Fours

I thought FOURS authority arises from the depth of their feelings.  They said their authority is a mystery.  Of course.  They also agreed their authority comes from their feelings and added also from their authenticity.

Fives

My FIVE authority comes from my knowledge.  And when I thought about this, I agreed.  FIVES also cited their wisdom and being “know-it-alls.”  My physician, who is not a FIVE, says I pay him a lot of money for what he knows and who he knows.  He is a good referral source.

Sixes

I wondered whether SIXES’ authority was delegated.  Not surprising, some said they didn’t think they had any authority.  But, blessedly, others said their authority was the Holy Spirit.  Synonyms for Holy Spirit might be their essence or true nature.  While admitting they look to others for authority, they also said their authority comes from self-reliance.

Sevens

I imagined SEVENS’ authority comes from their being so positive.  Being optimistic gives you a lot of confidence.  What they said was a delightful surprise.  Their authority comes from being two to three steps ahead.   They are out ahead of us and see what’s coming.  Being visionaries gives them credibility.

Eights

Wondering where EIGHTS’ authority comes from seems like an unnecessary exercise.  But I thought about it anyway.  I figure it comes from their self-assurance, from their gut reactions.  They said when it comes to authority, they just take it.  That sounds about right.  We can trust them and their reputation for being strong and getting things done.

Nines

I thought NINES’ authority comes from their peaceful nature.  And, intuiting what would please me, they said their authority comes from their inner calm and peace.  It comes from an inner wisdom about how to live a peaceful and pleasant life.  Their authority comes from their own experience.  It just feels right — which musically brings us back to do, or ONE in the Enneagram system.

A Request

This research is based on a small but brilliant representative sample.  I would really like to gather more data to feed my alleged addiction.  So, if you are willing to share your Enneagram type and your reflection on where your authority comes from, I would be happy to collate the information (keeping your name out of it), write up the results, and send it back to everyone, following the dictum about “Freely giving what you have freely received.”   My e-mail is jwagner5@aol.com and operators are standing by to transcribe your replies.

by Jerry Wagner, Ph.D.

Wonder is defined by Merriam-Webster as “a cause of astonishment or admiration; the quality of exciting amazed admiration; rapt attention or astonishment at something awesomely mysterious or new to one’s experience; to be curious or in doubt.”

When I read this definition, I thought of a child’s first encounter with something new in the world. Actually, everything is new to a child.

Then I thought about the Enneagram styles and wondered if wonder flows from and fosters the high side or essence of each style. Wonder seems to accompany the adaptive or divine idea which elicits the virtue or adaptive emotional response. Wonder acts as an antidote to the maladaptive or wrong ideas which stir up the vices of the styles.

Style One

The virtue for Style One is Serenity. When you start with the assumption that everything is perfect just as it is now, you can be at ease with yourself, others, and the world. When you experience wonder, you are amazed at the rightness of everything and you are strangely both excited and peaceful. You are drawn towards what you encounter; aren’t frustrated by it and so don’t need to go against it; and don’t feel threatened by it with no urgency to run away from it.

Wonder is an antidote to Perfectionism, the trap of the One, and Resentment, the vice of the One. You’re not angry at and don’t need to fix the source of your astonishment. You simply contemplate it, are grateful, and can relax and enjoy.

Style Two

The virtue of Style Two is Humility. When you have the belief that it is more blessed to give and to receive, then you have a realistic appraisal of who you are; what you have to offer; and what you need to accept. Wonder puts you in touch with reality, not what you want it to be so you can feel useful. There is no necessity to help the object of your wonder. It doesn’t need your assistance or require anything of you. You can simply be in its presence and be appreciative.

The trap of Style Two is Co-dependency and the vice is Pride. When you contemplate or are in wonder of a sunset or a little child, there is no need to be proud. You’re not responsible for this. And when you are in a state of wonder, you don’t need to do anything for the object of your contemplation. Just enjoy it and be thankful for it.

Style Three

The virtue of Style Three is Truthfulness. When you have hope that the universe is unfolding as it should without need of your intervention and when you have hope that you are worthwhile and loved for who you are not for what you do, then you are amazed at the mystery of who you are just in yourself. You don’t have to put on airs or perform. You are wonderful simply being yourself. There is a congruence of who you are, who you think you are, and who you present yourself to be.

The trap of Style Three is Workaholism and the vice of is Vanity. Wonder allows you to be as well as to do. Essence is not vain. Your true self is wonderful as is and doesn’t need to pretend to be other than what it is. There are no grounds to be vain about something you are in wonder of. You didn’t make it. You can simply admire what is there. It doesn’t need to be promoted or dressed up. It is complete in itself.

Style Four

Equanimity is the virtue for Style Four. When you begin with the assumption that you are already original because you are connected to the source of your being, your origin, and also connected to everyone else’s being, then you already belong. Beholding someone or something with wonder elicits admiration and appreciation. The fact that you can recognize an admirable quality outside yourself means you have that quality in you. If you spot it, you got it.

Specialness is the trap of the Four and Envy is the vice. When you genuinely admire and appreciate something, you don’t need to take it out of that person or object and put it in yourself because they have something that you don’t. You are content to leave what you respect where it resides while appreciating your own parcel of talents and gifts. All creatures are extraordinary, including you; and, paradoxically, that makes everything ordinary, including you.

Style Five

The virtue of the Five is Non-attachment. When you believe that it is just as good to be known as it is to know, and when you believe that you already know enough to act, then you can step into life from the sidelines. You are a contemplative-in-action. When you observe and are in awe of something, you don’t need to possess it and hold onto it. Wonder arises in the present and keeps you in the here and now. There is no need to acquire, collect, and store up what you behold for some future necessity.

The trap of the Five is Intellectualization and Privacy and the vice is Avarice. Wonder gets you in touch with your experience. You can let go of your books and your hiding place and enter the world. You don’t need to figure out or possess what you behold. You simply stay in its presence, let it inform you, and be appreciative. You can let go of any need to own what you admire. It is enough to enjoy it here now.

Style Six

The virtue of Style Six is Courage. When you believe the force is with you, not against you, and you understand you are a part of creation, not apart from it, then wonder inspires trust. What you encounter and contemplate is not threatening but is inviting and calming. So, you can take heart, Coeur, and have the courage to be.

The trap of the Six is Doubt and the vice is Fear. While awe involves both fear and attraction, the trembling is more from excitement than panic. There is no need to fear what you are in wonder of. It won’t hurt you but welcomes you safely into its presence. Wonder leaves no doubt. You intuitively grasp that this is good.

Style Seven

Sobriety is the virtue of the Seven. When you are committed to the social and personal work you are called to, then you reside and act in the present, taking in only what you need and expending only as much energy as is required. When wonder arises from your essential nature, your inspiration and excitement are appropriate to the object of your attraction. No more; no less.

Pleasure is the trap of the Seven and Gluttony is the vice. More is better. In wonder, what is here is enough. You are satisfied and fulfilled in the present and don’t need to transport yourself into the future to plan for more. Desolation and darkness can lead to growth as well as consolation and light.

Style Eight

The virtue of the Eight is Innocence, the attitude of not harming nor anticipating being harmed. When you assume that the arc of the universe bends toward justice and what goes around comes around, then you don’t have to be the arbiter and guarantor of justice. And that is mysterious and wonderful. You are not afraid of the object of your wonder nor do you need to control what you behold. Hold it gently in the palm of your hand and be grateful for its presence in your life.

The trap of the Eight is Control and the vice is Lust, an over-intensity and over-protectiveness to fill up an emptiness you have created inside by over-valuing strength. While being amazed does call out your energy, your response is measured to the situation. You can allow yourself to be vulnerable in the presence of what you are in wonder of. You can be open and there is no need to defend yourself.

Style Nine

The Nine’s virtue is Right Action, an involvement in the world. Wonder leads to gratitude which leads to action. “Thank you, and what can I do in return?” The object of your wonder is a gift and you want to pass that gift on, to pay it forward. You believe you matter and have a right to be. And you have something to contribute.

The trap of the Nine is Resignation and the vice is Indolence, an inattention to yourself. Instead of settling for what you can get, wonder leads to excitement, not numbing out. Wonder enlivens you. It connects you to yourself and the world. You are an active participant, not a passive unimportant observer in the background.

As the poet says, we are all wonderfully made, a cause of astonishment and admiration, something awesomely mysterious. Something, indeed, to wonder at.

by Jerry Wagner, Ph.D.

I’m intrigued by the parallels among

• the Bible story of the Israelites turning away from the true God and fashioning a false idol in the form of a golden calf
• George Gurdjieff’s statements about the personality compensating for our essence
• Karen Horney’s description of an idealized self image substituting for the real self
• and the Enneagram showing how this dislodgement plays out in nine personality styles.

After wandering around in the desert for 40 years, the Israelites were feeling a little despairing that Yahweh was ever going to get them out of the desert and into the promised land. So they decided to turn away from the true God and fashion a false idol in the form of a golden calf.  Hopefully their idol would lead them to security and happiness since Yahweh didn’t seem up to the task.

It is the nature of idols to promise everything and produce little and they don’t do this for nothing (something like investment advisors.)  To get results from idols you have to promise to do what they tell you.  You must follow their advice, otherwise everything you are afraid of will happen to you.  Idols are not above threats.

In addition, you have to bring them sacrifices – some flowers, fruits, animals, your first-born child – whatever is important to you.  But these are minor offerings compared to the safety and glory idols promise.

Bringing this socio-cultural story closer to the psyche, George Gurdjieff, the Armenian teacher of esoteric wisdom, speaks about the personality or false self compensating or substituting for our essence or true self.  If we abandon and lose faith in our real self, then we need to fashion a false self to mimic and stand in for the real deal.

Karen Horney, a neo-psychoanalyst, writes about the idealized self image replacing the real self.   She believed each individual is born with a healthy real self.  By aligning ourselves with our true self, we will realize our full potential and live in harmony with other people (the humanist version of the promised land.)

When children are loved unconditionally for themselves and when they have their biological, emotional, and social needs satisfied, they remain connected to their real selves for they have no reason to be other than who they are.

On the other hand, when children’s needs are frustrated and unmet by their caretakers’ indifference, rejection, or hostility (what Horney labels “basic evil”), they then develop a view of themselves as lowly and despicable.  There must be something wrong with them to deserve such treatment and deprivation.  So they fashion an idealized self to compensate for and escape from their real self which has degenerated into their despised self.  A conflict then develops between the real and idealized self which has become crystallized into an idealized self image.

Our idealized self-image is how we think of ourselves, consciously or unconsciously, and how we want others to think of us.  In the Enneagram system, the nine self-images have been labeled “prides”.  We are proud of being right, loving, successful, deeply feeling, insightful, loyal, upbeat, powerful, and easy going.  But as Horney notes there is a certain arrogance involved in that we appropriate or arrogate to ourselves exaggerated qualities that may not actually be there.  When our prides are not noticed, minimized, or stepped on, we overreact with anger, guilt, embarrassment, or other negative feelings.

From the Enneagram perspective, personality is an exaggeration, a caricature, of our authentic personal qualities. Similarly, Horney observed that the idealized image is constructed partially on the person’s genuine self.

Personality masquerades as our essential self and tricks us into identifying with and believing that an inflated dimension of our self is our whole self.  We collaborate in this deception as a way of defending our true self from anxiety-provoking vulnerabilities and as a way of compensating for certain imagined shortfalls in our real self.

Our personality retains intimations of our real self and we can follow it back to our authentic self if we follow our developmental trail back the way we came.  This will return us to the path of self actualization. Or we can follow our false self further into its idealized self-image and this will lead us down the road to self-image actualization where only a distorted part of us will be realized.  The problem with this route is, ironically, the closer we come to our idealized self, the more neurotic we become.

From the Enneagram perspective, the idols of our personality, manifested in our idealized self image, beckon us to security and happiness.  But to reach their promised land, we must pledge our unwavering devotion and fealty to them.  And if we disobey them and take another path, they warn us that what we are most afraid of will surely come about.  We better follow our should’s and idealizations.

On the other hand, our essence or genuine self invites us to a deeper security and well-being.  It is a gentle calling, doesn’t use threats, is always there, but may not be as easily recognized.  We are guided along this path by our values and ideals. 

So what does each type value and really want?   What is their head- heart- gut’s deepest desire?  What are they enlivened by?  And, opposed to their desire, what do they most dread?  What is each type particularly vulnerable to and afraid of?  It is these fears that their idols promise to protect them from.  The irony is they are sheltered from what they fear, but they don’t get what they really want.  Tragically their defensive strategies prevent them from getting what they need.   The good news about living in a castle surrounded by a mote, alligators, and barbed wire is you are safe.  The bad news is, since you are so cut off, you eventually die of boredom or starvation.

So how does all this show up in the Enneagram styles?

Ones Want to be Good

Ones want to be good.  They want to realize all their potentials and be all they can be.  And they want to help others do the same.  They have a passion for excellence and doing things well. They want to make the world a better place.  When asked, what Ones say they really want is to be accepted as they are and feel good and right about themselves.

What they are afraid of and sensitive about is being criticized, rejected, treated unjustly, or being wrong(ed).  Their Idol of Perfectionism promises to protect them from these vulnerabilities.  After all, if you’re perfect, you’re safe and no one can criticize you.

Ones need to bring to their “We Try Harder Idol” all their good deeds, their exhausting efforts, their musts, shoulds, and ought to’s, their critiques of themselves and others, their anger and resentments.  Their idol (and their ego) thrives and grows strong on these offerings.

What Ones have to sacrifice to their idol is fun, enjoyment, spontaneity.  They give up feeling carefree and relaxed and won’t be able to ever go with the flow since they have to be in control. They must renounce their own desires and wants for the sake of their shoulds and forego being dappled since their idol’s world is black and white.  In other words, they, like every other type, must forfeit their inner child or real self – a small price to pay for safety and security.

Twos Want to be Loving

Twos want to be loving.  They desire to be helpful, caring, and needed.  They like being nurturing, considerate, and appreciative.  They want to make the world a more loving place.  What Twos say they really want is to feel connected, cared for, and loved.

They are afraid of and are very sensitive to being rejected, separated, disconnected, not liked, not accepted, not being needed, and feeling isolated.  Their Idol of Co-Dependency promises they will never experience these awful situations.  If you make yourself indispensable, who would want to part with you?  If you love me, you won’t hurt me, and I’ll be safe.

Two’s need to bring to their “How Can I Help You Idol” all their helpful deeds, personal sacrifices, accommodations, shape-shiftings, and abundant compliments and flatteries.  These make their idol and ego feel proud and worthy.

They need to sacrifice their own needs, agenda, and self to their idol.  But no one approves of that self, anyway, so no great loss.  They are not permitted to receive and they can’t accept grace since that goes against their job description as a helper.  Twos can’t ask directly for what they want but their idol shows them how to seduce others into giving them what they need.

Threes Want to be Effective and Productive

Threes want to be effective and productive.   They want to get things moving and done and accomplish what they set out to do.   They enjoy being motivated and motivating others. They seek to make the world more efficient.  What Threes say they really want is to be accepted and affirmed for themselves and to be able to put being before doing.

They are afraid of not being successful and of being a failure.  They fear being rejected, not recognized or admired, not being paid attention to, being inactive, feeling useless, and not worth anything. Their Idol of Workaholism and Success guarantees, in less than 10 days, they will be winners and will avoid being losers.  If you look good, work smart, and put in long hours, how can you fail?  And if you make others look good, why would they want to fire you?  I’m safe if I’m successful and admired.

Threes need to bring to their “How Am I Doing Idol” all their works, awards, successes, clubs joined, society pages appeared in, achievements, accomplishments, networkings, linked-in connections, deals closed.  These trophies keep their idol’s and ego’s addictions going.

What Three’s need to sacrifice to their idol are their own agenda and wishes, their family and intimate relationships, and their inner life.   Who has time for these anyway?  They need to forego time off from performing and having to impress others, being loved for who they are vs. for what they do, and they can’t just be.

Fours Want to be Original, Authentic, and Creative

Fours want to be original, authentic, and creative.  They want to feel life deeply, express their reflections aesthetically, find their deepest selves, and find meaning in their world.  And they wish to remind others to do the same.   They desire to make the world a more meaningful and beautiful place.  What Fours say they really want is to be connected to others and connected to themselves.   They want to belong and they value self discovery and development.

Fours are afraid of being abandoned, left out, neglected, ignored, not paid attention to, feeling rejected and uncared for, bored, criticized about their style, and having their creativity stifled.  Their Idol of Elite Standards promises them they will not experience these terrible circumstances if they follow their idol’s inspirations.  And because they will be so extraordinary, even if someone foolishly does leave them, the Fours will make such a profound impression on these callow creatures that they will never forget them.  I’m safe if I’m special and I suffer.

Fours need to bring to the altar of their “Suffering Idol” all of their exquisite tastes, their unique contributions, their beautiful creations and clothes, and all of their dramas, misunderstandings, sufferings, and tragic flaws.  All these things make Fours and their idol singular and special.

Fours need to sacrifice to their idol any future happiness, any experience of being ordinary, and any sense of equanimity and calm.  But what good can come from being ordinary, really? Even though they want it more than anything, they have to give up a sense of connection to others because then they might be understood and lose their mystery.  They forego having what they want since they would lose the feelings of longing and yearning that make them feel alive and extraordinary.

Fives Want to Understand

Fives want to understand.  They want to be wise and perceptive and to know the truth.  They enjoy learning and getting the big picture. They desire to make the world a more enlightened, better understood place.  They also value independence and privacy.  When asked, Fives say they want to be themselves in relationships.  They want connection and also freedom, privacy, and territoriality.  They seek to know and to be competent.

Fives are afraid of being invaded, taken over, and engulfed.  They fear being emptied and deprived and having to respond to draining demands.  They fear being evaluated and put down.  They are not keen about being visible, exposed, looking foolish.  They don’t like to feel dependent or inadequate.   Their Idol of Intellectualism promises to make them omniscient, invisible, and out of reach (also out of touch, but the idol doesn’t mention that.)  You can’t be criticized for what you never said and you can’t hit a target you can’t see.  I’m safe if I’m invisible and I know.

Fives have to bring to their “Know-it-all Idol” all of their ideas, books, articles, and internet sites visited.  They need to bring in their hoarded items along with their evasions, smoke screens, and abstractions.  All of this will make them and their idol safe in the attic in the realm of thoughts.

What Fives have to sacrifice to their idol are any close relationships, any feelings or sensations, any possibility of being known.  Fives need to give up becoming involved and engaged in life and become tourists.  They forfeit being in the game for the sake of staying safe on the sidelines. They subordinate their heart and body to their head.  However, as is well known, real life is the life of the mind and all else is inconsequential anyway.

Sixes Want to Do Their Duty

Sixes want to do their duty.   They desire to be loyal and committed to their word.  They wish to feel safe and secure and they want to make the world a safer place.  They are conscientious and responsible and value law and order. Sixes say they really do seek safety and security.  They want a sense of belonging.  They want to be listened to and have their side taken.

Sixes fear most everything but are especially sensitive to being betrayed and betraying others. They don’t like deception.  Because they value consistency, they fear being caught off guard.  They fear physical and emotional harm. They are afraid of being thrown out of the group, not being heard or listened to, being treated unfairly, and being given premature responsibility before they have the ability to do what is required.  They are sensitive to feeling trapped.  Their Idol of Fear reassures them that it will safeguard them from all these dangers.  If I do what I ought and have authority on my side, I’m safe (Fearful Six).  If I’m wary of authority, act blustery, and have an exit strategy, I’m safe (Counter-Fearful Six).

Sixes must bring to their “Frightful Idol” all their fears, because they are what keep them safe – trembling, but safe.  Their fears help them be prepared.  So they need to pile up all their suspicions, doubts, and paranoid thoughts.  These keep their fears alive and keep them alert while the enemy prowls about.

To be safe Sixes must sacrifice their own inner authority and inner compass, surrendering their own ideas and beliefs.  But these will only get them into trouble, anyway.  So best to doubt them, hand them over, and lean on the authority of their idol.   To feel secure, Sixes have to give up trusting themselves and others and ever feeling carefree and relaxed, otherwise they might get caught off guard.

Sevens Fancy Adventure

Sevens fancy adventure.   They want to explore the world of possibilities, enjoy life, and make the world a more exciting and delightful place.  Friendly, sociable, and optimistic, they are full of interesting ideas and plans.  What Sevens say they really want is happiness, freedom, choice, and commitment (believe it or not).

Sevens fear being limited and tied down, feeling immobilized, paralyzed, sick and lifeless.  They don’t want to be trapped and they dread being bored or boring.  They are not particularly attracted to suffering and pain and don’t see much good coming from either.  They want to be encouraged and don’t like being discouraged.  Their Idol of Hedonism will make sure none of these downers ever befall Sevens.  Hold your head up high and look for the silver lining.  If I’m OK, I’m safe.

What Sevens are asked to bring their “Upbeat Idol” are all their fantastic plans and options, their fun times, variety, spices, excitements, ice cream and toppings, exotic adventures, possibilities explored and then moved on from.  These feed their idol’s and ego’s addiction to pleasure and variety.

 What Sevens need to sacrifice to their idol are any inner stillness and peace, any sitting still for longer than two minutes, solitude, any present satisfactions vs. thinking about future delights, and any genuine fulfillment.  But present delights only anticipate future possibilities, anyway.  They may have to give up a permanent home and deep relationships for the sake of traveling on. And they will miss discovering the riches of their shadow.  But, if you are afraid of the dark, no great loss.

Eights Want to be Autonomous and Independent

Eights want to be autonomous and independent.  They like to live their lives the way they want to live them.  They want to use their power to empower the disenfranchised. They desire to make the world a just place.  Eights say they want self-determination, equity, respect, approval.  On a basic level, they seek to survive and be in control.

Eights fear being neglected and treated unfairly.  They don’t like injustice or dishonesty.  They fear feeling weak, powerless, limited, dependent, subordinated, unable to do, not being in control.  Their Idol of Strength assures them that if they follow his/her coercions, they will be invulnerable and invincible.  If I intimidate you, you won’t hurt me.

What Eights need to bring to their “Tower of Power Idol” are their triumphs over their enemies, outrages, affronts, anger, firepower, scorched earth, huffs and puffs, injustices.  This breastplate of anger gives them strength and keeps the fire in the belly burning.  Their idol and ego thrive on resentment and revenge.

What Eights need to sacrifice for the sake of being invulnerable is any closeness to people.  But, then, intimacy might invite in a Trojan Horse.  They have to give up their inner child with any innocence or fragile feelings they might have.   But these are chinks in their armor and ought to be disdained anyway.  They won’t be able to extend or experience tenderness, compassion, or forgiveness. They won’t experience any unguarded vulnerable moments and they won’t be allowed to tolerate any weakness in themselves or others.

Nines Value Harmony and Peace

Nines value harmony and peace.  They want to make the world more harmonious and inclusive.  Possessing a laissez-faire attitude toward life, they allow people and events to unfold in their own way and in their own time. Nines say they want to be loved and cared for and noticed.  They desire inclusiveness and union.

Nines fear being neglected, not noticed or cared for, being alone.  They don’t like being upset and so fear conflict, confrontation, and dissonance.  They fear feeling ashamed, crushed, and left feeling defenseless.  They don’t want to be accused of hurting others out of anger.  Their Idol of Comfort will lead them to the promised land of contentment where they will never be troubled again.  If I’m numb, I’m safe.

Nines need to bring to their “Couch Potato Idol” all of the comforts they have gathered around them – their comfort food, drink, TV, marijuana.  They need to bring their conflicts avoided, groups and athletic clubs joined but never attended, their routine jobs.  All of this will keep their idol and psyche deadened for the duration.

Nines need to sacrifice to their idol their own opinion, agenda, thoughts, feelings, and assertions.  They also have to give up ever completing anything for the sake of procrastination. They will have to forgo a sense of accomplishment and a sense that they really do matter.  They need to tamper down their feeling of aliveness and vitality and certainly will not be permitted to experience the opportunity and growth that come from conflict.  But all these personal preferences and agitations might disrupt the harmony of the universe anyway, so best to leave them unexpressed.

From Idolatry to Reality

If we determine that the cost: benefit ratio of following the idol of our personality is not worth it, that we’re giving up a lot more than we’re gaining, then what other options do we have available?  When all else fails, as it inevitably must, we can always return to the resources of our real self which we gave up on when we exited the Garden of Eden.

The 9 Players on Your Bench

We have the strengths of our own style, our neighboring styles, the styles of our stressed and relaxed points – the resources of all nine styles, really, since we have nine players on our inner team.  Though we may only choose to put a few of our favorite players on the court, we do have nine players on the bench.

We have the idealism, conscientiousness, and persistence of Player #1 (the Idealist) to focus, concentrate, and hold our energies on the right path and keep the end in mind as we proceed.

We have the empathy, love, caring, and relationship skills of Player #2 (the Relater) to connect us with others and provide the intimacy we seek on our journey.

We have the industriousness, productivity, competence, and energy of Player #3 (the Closer) to bring our projects to completion and transport us to the end of our journey, not to mention publicizing that we’re on the journey.

We have the sensitivity, refinement, grace, and introspection of Player #4 (the Artist) to add depth and style to our undertakings and add beauty to our journey.

We have the objectivity, big-picture panorama, analytic skills, and wisdom of Player #5 (the Observer) to understand what our journey is all about and take in the landscape from beginning to end.

We have the trouble-shooting, risk-managing, devotion, and circumspection of Player #6 (the Loyalist) to keep us safe on our journey and secure for us the sense of belonging to a group to accompany us along the way

We have the imagination, vision, brainstorming capacity, optimism, good cheer, and joie de vivre of Player #7 (the Optimist) to find interesting people and places to visit as we enjoy our journey.

We have the strength, autonomy, durability, and force of Player #8 (the Energizer) to push obstacles out of our way, clear the path, and protect us on our journey.

We have the relaxed confidence, inclusivity, negotiating and mediating abilities of Player #9 (the Peacemaker) to include others on our journey and align us with the flow of the universe.

Take some time and ask yourself the following questions:

• When do you feel real and authentic?
• When do you feel false and inauthentic?
• How do you know when you’re following and acting from your real self/essence or from your personality/ego?  Is there a different feel to these two states? How do your head, heart, and gut experience the difference?
• What do your idols promise you?  What will they do for you if you do what they ask?
• What do your idols demand from you? What must you bring them?
• What must you sacrifice for your idols?
• What are you afraid will happen if you don’t obey them?
• What other resources do you have available to allay your fears and help you to adapt?
  • What resources lie in your own style?
  • What resources lie in your wings (the Enneagram styles on either side of yours)?
  • What resources lie in your heart point (the Enneagram style preceding yours going back along the arrow line)? 
  • What resources lie in your stress point (the Enneagram style following yours advancing along the arrow line)?
  • What resources do all the remaining styles offer you?

Dropping our idol is like swinging out over the void and letting go of the trapeze.  This is surely going to be anxiety provoking. It’s easier when we have some assurance that our real self is a more reliable and trustworthy trapeze to carry us over the chasm of our fears.  Our journey won’t be trouble-free but it will be our authentic trip and not make-believe or someone else’s trip.  As the tour host Rick Steves says: “Keep on traveling.”

by Jerome Wagner, Ph.D.

When we over-identify or over-idealize certain aspects of our personality, we tend to disavow any opposite attributes. For example if you think of yourself as right and exact, then you don’t want to consider yourself wrong or messy nor do you want others to think of you in this way. Or if you think of yourself as strong and tough, you don’t want to appear to yourself or others as weak and wimpy.

To avoid these unacceptable parts of ourselves, we put them in the basement (our unconscious) where we can forget about them. This is called repression.  Splitting is a variation on this maneuver. Instead of being a whole me, we become the good me and the bad me, like Jeckle and Hyde.

These defensive techniques create divisions within ourselves.

If relics in the basement start to offend us, we can go a step further and throw our garbage out. For example if you think of yourself as wise and perceptive and find looking foolish quite intolerable, you can cast out your foolishness and then find yourself surrounded by a confederacy of dunces. This is called projection. Instead of being a neurotic among neurotics or a sinner among sinners, you are a rose among thorns, or a good me surrounded by not-so-good you’s,

The process of projective identification goes a little beyond projection. Instead of simply throwing our trash out and leaving it in others with a good riddance, we put our unsavory characteristics in others, then sanitize and civilize our offensive behaviors in the garbage bin — or cajole others into cleaning up their acts. For example if you project your inner rebel or delinquent onto others, then you will have to police them, reform them, excommunicate them, or throw them in jail. Now, not only have you gotten rid of your demons, you’ve found something to do in your spare time!

These defensive strategies create divisions between ourselves and others.

We can work on our inner and outer splits by practicing the 3 R’s + 1.

If we can re-cognize, re-frame, and re-own our unseemly parts, we might find some valuable assets tossed out with our garbage, and re-cycle them. We will gain an inner integration and wholesome connections with other people, both of which lead to an increase of energy since we are no longer divided against ourselves and others.

To make friends with our inner polarities, we may need to reframe their attributes. For example if you think of yourself as efficient and not lazy, then you may need to reframe laziness as “creative leisure,” a time and process during which new inspirations arise.

A paradoxical quality of polarities is the more we push them to an extreme, the more they run into and become their opposite. Jung called this enantiodromia. For example the more you try to become free and keep all your options open, ironically the more un-free and rigid you become as you compulsively try to avoid any limitations.

Finally, if we can find an overarching construct that embraces and enfolds both polarities, a synthesis that resolves our thesis and antithesis, then we can be enlivened by the creative tension between the two poles. For example if you think of yourself as special and refined and not common and pedestrian, you might find living a life of “simple elegance” a congenial way to express both of your polarities.

Let’s see how each style might practice the 4 R’s: recognizing, reframing, reowning, and recycling their polarities.

THE INNER POLARITIES OF ENNEAGRAM STYLE ONE:

THE GOOD PERSON

The following is a list of some characteristics that ONES identify with.  They are opposed by the characteristics ONES dis-identify with.

When ONES project their “NOT ME” characteristics onto others, they find themselves surrounded by messy, lazy, irresponsible, unprincipled laggards like ourselves.  So ONES have their work cut out for them organizing, disciplining, and getting us into line.  And it’s no wonder they need to stay in control and can’t let up, lighten up, or hand things over to us.  Would you turn the world over to a group of aimless, careless, fickle, slip shod slackers?  This is why ONES have to work overtime to cover for our complacency.  And it’s why they stay angry and resentful because we’re not doing our part.

ONES need to befriend their shadow side and discover what’s good about being messy, lazy, and irresponsible.  Or maybe they need to reframe these qualities as spontaneous, relaxed, and serendipitous.  The playful little hedonist in them can offer them some fun and enjoyment.  What can unprincipled people do that principled people can’t do?  They can do what they want instead of what they should!

ONES need to reframe the characteristics in the NOT-ME column to find the iron beneath the rust.  As long as they continue giving a bad reputation to their NOT-ME qualities, they’re not going to want to go near them.  If they can find the complimentary contribution their NOT-ME attributes bring to their whole self, they might be more willing to embrace them and integrate them into their sense of themselves.

They can also practice some Hegelian dialectics.  Their ME characteristics represent their thesis; their NOT-ME qualities embody their antithesis; creatively combining the two gives them their synthesis.  So ONES need to step back and get a little distance from their dichotomous dilemma and come up with a self-concept that will include both sides of their polarity.  For example ONES might imagine themselves as being “seriously playful” or “playfully serious;”  or they can think of themselves as “discerners” which allows them to be both discriminating and accepting;  or they are “flowing upright” or “gliding precision” permitting them to be both flexible and firm.

The trick is to hold onto both ends of the polarity and encourage both energies to flow into a creative synthesis.  Enantiodromia is a principle Jung discovered in nature that he applied to personality.  This is the process whereby things run into their opposites.  If you put a hot plate next to a cold one, both will become warm; high water runs into low water until they reach a medium depth, as was demonstrated in the flooding in New Orleans.  If you push something to its extreme, it runs into its opposite.  So you can become so good (righteous) you become bad (self-righteous).  Or if you take sloppiness to its extreme, you get order.  This is chaos theory.  The exquisite layering and ordering of rocks along a shore is brought about by the random action of wind and waves.

ONES achieve balance when they access in themselves the adaptive qualities of the SEVEN and FOUR styles. It is ironic that many of these qualities are disguised beneath the grotesqueries in the NOT-ME column.  Because ONES distort them, they don’t want to approach them.  For example what ONES are calling careless, irresponsible, and frivolous might be the SEVEN characteristics of carefree, spontaneous, and child-like.  Or what ONES perceive as fickle, imprecise, and law breaking might be the FOUR qualities of flowing emotions, intuition, and freedom from convention.

For fullness sake, ONES need to take another look at their NON-ME dimension to give themselves more breadth and depth.

THE INNER POLARITIES OF ENNEAGRAM STYLE TWO:

THE LOVING PERSON

Those characteristics that are congruent with the TWOS’ self-image are found in the ME column.  Characteristics that are antithetical to their self-image, that are repressed or projected out of their self, can be found in the NOT-ME column.

When TWOS engage in projection and projective identification, they find themselves surrounded by needy, selfish, uncaring, detached, thoughtless individuals like ourselves.  It’s no wonder TWOS despair of getting their needs met and don’t bother to ask!  To get any blood from this crowd of turnips, TWOS have to hug, warm, and love them up, make sure others get their needs met first, and then maybe they’ll toss a crumb of attention towards the TWOS.

Notice that the characteristics in the ME column resonate with a moving towards tendency while the characteristics in the NOT-ME column contain the energy of moving against (such as, destructive, heartless, and tough,) and moving away from (such as, stingy, aloof, and cold.)  TWOS have trouble connecting with these interpersonal movements because they’ve given them away to others.

For balance, TWOS shift to the high sides of the EIGHT and FOUR paradigms under relaxed and stressful conditions, respectively.  EIGHT energy tends to move against while FOUR energy tends to move away from.  To complement their own moving towards energy, TWOS can access in themselves these EIGHT and FOUR strategies.  But since they’ve given these approaches a bad reputation, they will probably feel uncomfortable about and resist going in those directions.

TWOS will want to befriend the angry, callous, selfish, needy parts of themselves and discover that it’s all right to set boundaries, say no, step back, and care for themselves.  This is the high side of the EIGHT paradigm.  They may have to re-label the selfish part of themselves as self caring, the inconsiderate part as independent, and the unavailable part as present to themselves.  The high side of the FOUR allows, even encourages, this search for thine own true self.  TWOS might find that their aloof, detached, uncaring qualities really do have a positive intention, which is to love themselves as much as they love others.

TWOS require an over-arching concept of themselves which encompasses both sides of their ME/NOT-ME polarity.  The expression “wounded healer” catches both dimensions as does “interdependent”, “mutual caring”, and “AC-DC” which means that the energy of the universe is an alternating current.  It flows back and forth, allowing both giving and receiving vs. “DC” direct current that only flows one way – outward.

THE INNER POLARITIES OF ENNEAGRAM STYLE THREE:

THE EFFECTIVE PERSON

Those characteristics that are congruent with the THREES’ self image are found in the ME column and those elements that are deemed incongruent are in the NOT ME list.

One way to avoid failure is to project it onto others.  It’s not the THREES’ fault that the undertaking didn’t succeed; other people didn’t do their part.   THREES cast their own inefficiency and failure onto others, then find themselves surrounded by disorganized ineffective workers and lament:  “How can I soar with the eagles when I’m surrounded by a bunch of turkeys like you?”

When THREES engage in projection and projective identification, they find themselves surrounded by lazy, slow, unmotivated, inadequate failures such as ourselves.  It’s no wonder they are hesitant to take a day off and hand the corporation over to us.  There’s not much chance that anything will be accomplished or finished by this group of idle, ineffective, unambitious losers.

It’s also not surprising that THREES take over the reigns and become leaders, CEOs, managers, trend-setters.  Who else is going to do it?   Some disoriented diffident wallflower?  You can see why THREES become cheerleaders to get some life into us deadheads.  Or why they go into the motivational business to help us get our lives energized and desks organized.

THREES need to make friends with the slow, unpopular, shy person inside them.  They might discover that geeks are not so concerned about what other people think but are more passionate about their own pursuits.  Or they might find out that people who are lazy have time to enjoy themselves and their friends.  By slowing down, the smell of roses and coffee catches up to them.

The THREES’ paradigm gets balance and breadth by including the perspectives of Styles SIX and NINE.  The useful qualities of these other two approaches are buried under the debris of the NOT ME column.  When THREES dig for the positive intentions of the attributions in their shadow side, they find some of the strengths of the high sides of SIXES and NINES.

For example if you back off the exaggerated distortion found in over-focused and bogged in trivia, you find the SIXES’ attention to detail and nuances, their appreciation for the multiple consequences of their behavior, and the subsequent need for careful consideration and preparation before acting.  The SIXES’ prudence plus the THREES’ enthusiasm lead to effective action and goal-attainment.

Or if you query what’s good about being idle or in the backwater or sitting on the shelf  or being in slow motion, you might discover the NINES’ appreciation for being as well as doing, and the finish-line advantage of the tortoise over the hare.  But who would want to slow down if that means being bored and depressed?  On the other hand, if slowing down leads to feeling content and calm, that’s not so bad.

Also, if you ask which category is more in need of relationships, the ME or the NOT ME, it becomes clear that the NOT ME’s need people more than the successful, accomplished, upwardly mobile winners.  Ironically THREES believe that people will like them and want to relate to them only when they exhibit the characteristics under the ME column.  In fact they appear to not need relationships when they are so successful and self-sufficient and people are more likely to use them for their skills than connect with them for their friendship.

THREES could do with a comprehensive self-concept that includes both sides of their polarity.  While each person needs to fashion their own unique image of themselves, some starter suggestions might be: “capable and honest,” “charismatic tortoise,” “effective layperson,”  “relaxedly resourceful,” etc.

THE INNER POLARITIES OF ENNEAGRAM STYLE FOUR:

THE ORIGINAL PERSON

Some characteristics that fall into the FOURS’ self-image of ME and the opposite qualities that are buried in their shadow or NOT ME are the following.

Surrounded by rude, crude, unrefined, superficial boors like ourselves, no wonder FOURS feel like aristocrats in exile.  How could a bunch of tasteless, obtuse, crass commoners ever possibly understand them?  And who wouldn’t want to stay aloof from this crowd?   FOURS are understandably reluctant to cast their pearls before such swine.

Before FOURS can relate to us, they need to give us some culture, sophistication, elegance, and depth.  So you find FOURS performing or cultivating the arts or, at least, teaching manners to refine our brutish instincts.

FOURS need to get back in touch with their ordinariness.  It is their commonality with others that connects them to humanity.  Ordinary people don’t have to worry about fitting in or be so concerned about what other people think of them.  Paradoxically ordinary people can be themselves more easily than special people can.

Broadening their own perspective by accessing some ONE and TWO characteristics is a way FOURS can achieve equilibrium in their system.  Some of the qualities of the ONE and TWO styles can be found in the FOURS’ shadow, but they are framed in a way that does not encourage emulation.  Who wants to be matter-of fact, trivializing, and literal-minded?  On the other hand, being reality-oriented, sensitive to details, and exact are not bad traits to possess.  And this focused approach of the ONE style complements the FOURS’ intuitive and global perspective.  Being common, concrete, and shallow doesn’t sound too flattering.  However if you reframe those elements, you have the approachable, practical, all-encompassing empathy of the enlightened TWO.

FOURS tend to move away from situations and others.  They can be aloof and standoffish until they have a sense that others “get” them and don’t misunderstand them.  ONES tend to move against by critiquing the world and then moving in to fix it.  But FOURS may not want to channel their emotional reactions into behavioral actions if they think of ONES as being rough, crude, and boorish.  Instead of backing up, feeling overwhelmed, and being moved, FOURS need to focus their energy, take action, and do some moving as ONES are want to do.  TWOS tend to move toward others in affiliation and support.  If FOURS perceive TWOS as being common, concrete, and matter of fact, they may resist getting close to people through empathic, generous deeds.  On the other hand, when they experience that simple love brings about the very connectedness they are seeking, they won’t be so afraid of being ordinary.

What overarching self-image would allow FOURS to be both extraordinary and ordinary, so they can be inclusive of all the elements in both their ME and NOT ME boundaries?  Someone with elegant simplicity possesses both polarities.

THE INNER POLARITIES OF ENNEAGRAM STYLE FIVE:

THE WISE PERSON

 Some attributes that fit the FIVES’ idealized sense of themselves and their opposing shadow elements include the following:

It’s no wonder FIVES are quiet and reserved, surrounded as they are by loud, garrulous, biased louts.  And it’s not surprising that they are reluctant to speak up and ask for what they want.  What kind of conversations can you expect to have with uninformed, simplistic, myopic fools?  Time is more profitably spent in your room, reading a book.

Since FIVES are surrounded by hot-headed fools, they need to calm them down by reasoning with them, throwing cold water on them to put out their passions, or moving far enough away to get out of their reach.  FIVES might become professional teachers, researchers, therapists, mediators, or lone rangers.

Notice that FIVES’ feelings have been placed into the NOT ME zone and so are not very available to help them either move towards people in affection or move against others in assertion.  What’s left in the ME column are dispositions that help them move away from the world in a Spock-like logical manner.

Balance flows into the FIVES’ system when they connect with the resourceful features of the EIGHT and SEVEN styles.  But those resources are hidden beneath the repulsive wrappings FIVES have given them.  For example FIVES probably won’t want to shift to the EIGHT direction of moving against because then they’ll be audacious, loud, pushy, and impetuous.  Not much good will come from that.  On the other hand if they extract the precious minerals from the dross they’ve imagined, they can then be brave, articulate, assertive, and proactive.

And who would want to move in the direction of the SEVEN style if that meant looking foolish, garrulous, gushy, and out there?  On the other hand, moving towards doesn’t sound so bad if it’s phrased as serendipitous, sociable, affectionate, and explorative.

So FIVES need to get to know (and love) the passionate foolish little adventurer in them.  They need to befriend and embrace their inner idiot who doesn’t know everything and who feels afraid and sad and mad and glad.  In the original Greek and Latin, idios meant common (as in layperson) and ignorant (as in idiot). It also meant ones own (as in idiosyncratic).  How ironic that FIVES might find their real self and their connecting self by being an idios, a common fool, the condition they’re most trying to avoid.

FIVES need a synthesizing self-concept that incorporates both their thesis (ME) and antithesis (NOT-ME) characteristics.  A possibility is the “wise fool” or the “court jester,” the medieval trickster who could cleverly make observant, honest, and unflattering remarks to royalty and still come away with his or her head.  Being a “learner” allows FIVES to value knowing as well as not-knowing.  Or the notion of “researcher” gives FIVES room to gather as well as disseminate data, sharing what they have collected.

THE INNER POLARITIES OF ENNEAGRAM STYLE SIX:

THE LOYAL PERSON

The characteristics in the following columns contrast the SIXES’ sense of what fits their idealized self-image and so is fostered (ME) with what is incongruent with their self-concept and so must be excluded (NOT ME).

Since SIXES’ fear has two faces, read the columns as they appear for Phobic SIXES, and reverse the columns for Counter-Phobic SIXES.  That is, what is ME for Phobic SIXES is NOT-ME for counter-phobic SIXES and vice versa.  To create further doubt and confusion, many SIXES say they recognize both Phobic and Counter-Phobic tendencies in themselves.  Consequently SIXES may vacillate between the two columns, keeping both themselves and their opponents off balance and off guard.

When SIXES project out their hostility, their inner rebel, and their desire for autonomy, they find themselves surrounded by a group of reckless, careless, irresponsible, delinquent, hell raising outlaws!  No wonder Fearful SIXES are wary of and want to contain this crowd of hellions. You either need to teach them the rules of the road, keep them closely monitored, or lock them up.   You certainly don’t want to let them out of your sight.  It’s not surprising that SIXES would become police officers, military personnel, IRS and CIA agents, probation officers, code inspectors, environmental protection agents, bishops, etc.

Fearful SIXES need to re-own some of their “rebellious” qualities.   They might discover that this allegedly aberrant part of them is really the internal forum of their conscience that is quite trustworthy and law-abiding.  They might also find some of the easy-going as well as the assertive parts of themselves secreted away in their shadow side.

Counter-Fearful SIXES, on the other hand, need to re-own some of their “orthodox” characteristics.  They might find that some outer authorities are trustworthy and are not so in need of provoking.  Staying with their fear instead of impulsively pushing through it, might prove more effective than getting over it as quickly as possible.  And being cooperative can sometimes lead to safety and security more reliably than being combative.

Counter-Fearful SIXES may have projected their own worrisomeness, wariness, and hesitancy onto their caretakers.  A fearful, cautious authority figure does not inspire trust.  Counter-Phobic SIXES may need to reframe these characteristics in themselves and in others as being “aware,” “discerning,” and “considerate.”

SIXES tend to move toward people if they assess them as being on their side.  It is difficult for SIXES to move away from others for then they might lose sight of their antagonists.  So while it might be relaxing and balancing for SIXES to naturally move to the NINES’ perspective under safe circumstances as the Enneagram suggests, they will probably be reluctant to do so if they construe this position to be ill-equipped, negligent, unaccountable, etc.  Before they allow themselves to experience the NINES’ strategy of moving away from, they may need to reframe it as “calmly attentive,” “sufficiently prepared” and “dependable.”

Under stressful conditions it is sometimes useful for SIXES to move to the THREE style to mobilize their assertive moving against energy and direct it confidently and single-mindedly (vs. interfered with by conflicts and doubts) toward their goals.  But if THREES are seen as reckless, outrageous, and a mixed bag of tricks, SIXES will understandably be reluctant to go there.  By making friends with their own aggressive energy, SIXES might project less of it out and so the world will seem less threatening.

SIXES need to enlarge their self-concept to include both their ME and NOT-ME elements.  Being a Devil’s Advocate allows them to be both on someone’s side and gives them permission to challenge others.  A conscientious objector can also be among the loyal opposition.

THE INNER POLARITIES OF ENNEAGRAM STYLE SEVEN:

THE JOYFUL PERSON

Some qualities that are included (ME) and excluded (NOT-ME) from the SEVENS’ sense of themselves are the following.

As SEVENS project unto others their unacceptable characteristics, they find themselves surrounded by boring, depressed, uninteresting, reserved, humorless plodders.  No wonder they have to spend so much time and energy cheering us up and no surprise they are so concerned about being bored, restricted and pulled down.  Who wouldn’t be, surrounded by such dour sourpusses?  The morose molasses-mired mob they have to live with would slow or bring anybody down.

It makes sense that SEVENS would become entertainers, cheer-er-uppers, inspirational gurus, etc.  SEVENS have poured their misery, sadness, and heaviness into people around them and now process their own pain by trying to relieve and lighten it in others.

So SEVENS need to find out what is good about being still, limited, dim, and dull.  Perhaps this allows others’ light or divine inspiration to shine into their darkness, a light they otherwise wouldn’t see because of their own brilliance.  Or they might come to appreciate the pleasures of still wine as much as the delights of effervescent champagne.

When the SEVENS’ psyche searches for balance, it naturally goes to the high side of the FIVE and ONE styles.  Some of the strengths of these styles can be found encrusted in the dross of their rejected characteristics.  For example, beneath the boring descriptives of reserved, aloof, reticent, and flat lie the FIVE dispositions of reflection, objective attitude, quiet, and level which balance the SEVENS’ bias toward impulsivity, pleasure, noise, and soaring.

And badmouthed as serious, predictable, and plodders are the ONES’ virtues of sobriety, responsibility, and stick-to-it-iveness which correct the SEVENS leaning towards gluttony, changeableness, and flight from projects that involve drudgery.

SEVENS are naturally attracted to and move towards the delights of the world.  Moving away or stepping back from a situation becomes difficult because they’ve projected away that movement and made it unappealing by labeling it depressed, stuck, aloof, etc.   SEVENS might find the FIVES’ virtue of non-attachment a useful counter-balance to their gluttonous addictions.

Moving against the situation doesn’t look too attractive, either, when you call it jaded, plodding, pedestrian, negative, etc.  The ONES’ tenacity in plowing ahead, staying the course, finishing the race are all helpful corrections to the SEVENS’ impulse to jump ship, change plans, and do something else in the face of adversity.

SEVENS need an over-arching concept of themselves that will allow them to honor both sides of their polarities – something like “grounded vitality,” “stand-up guru,” or “elevator” (that goes down as well as up).

THE INNER POLARITIES OF ENNEAGRAM STYLE EIGHT:

THE POWERFUL PERSON

Those characteristics that fit the EIGHTS’ self image of being powerful and capable fall within the ego realm of ME.   Characteristics that are antithetical or opposed to their self-image are placed outside their ego boundary and fall into the category of NOT- ME.

When EIGHTS project onto others their unacceptable qualities, they find themselves surrounded by wimps with all the deficits in their NOT-ME column.  Given the attributes of these characters, it’s not surprising that EIGHTS are loath to hand over power to a group of soft, deferential, needy, unresourceful lackeys like us.  When it comes to taking over a conversation, a company, or a country, who is going to stop them?  Certainly not a bunch of sissy, fearful, deferential saps.  As P.T. Barnum said:  “There’s a sucker born every minute.”  So it’s not surprising that EIGHTS might presume to take advantage of submissive, manipulable, pushover followers.

When the EIGHTS’ spontaneous moving against approach broadens to get balance, it naturally includes the strengths and points of view of the TWO (moving towards) and FIVE (moving away from) paradigms.  This equilibrium becomes difficult when EIGHTS project away these trends and give them a bad reputation besides.  It’s hard to identify with the gifts of the TWO when you’ve disidentified with your own tenderness and softness.  And who wants to be like someone who is seen as weak, dependent, and other–directed?

EIGHTS need to befriend the vulnerable, fearful little person in them instead of yelling at him or her to toughen up.  They then discover that when they are weak, they can experience the support of others and the strength of a higher power. They find that, ironically, when they are soft, tender, and dependent, people move close to them and want to be with them vs. running from the room in terror.  People who are aggressive, competent, and influential (those with characteristics in the EIGHTS’ ME column) don’t need relationships nearly as much as people who are wimpy, diffident, and powerless (those living in the EIGHTS’ NOT ME column).  On the other glove, as the heavyweight prizefighter Muhammad Ali once remarked: “The strongest person in the world is also the loneliest.”  Those who are followers don’t have to do everything alone.

Also, who wants to move away from or stand back to get perspective when that is labeled as diffident, fearful, or avoiding?  Judging FIVES from this frame of mind makes it difficult to recognize and identify with their gifts of discernment, prudence, and calm dispassion.

EIGHTS need to take advantage of their already expansive nature and broaden their self-concept even more to include their NOT ME as well as their ME characteristics.  They might think of themselves as being “fair lovers” or as “bringing justice in a velvet glove” or as being “just and compassionate” or a “servant leader” or “philosopher king or queen.”

THE INNER POLARITIES OF ENNEAGRAM STYLE NINE:

THE PEACEFUL PERSON

 In the NINES’ style some qualities fit within their ego boundary (ME) and some characteristics don’t belong (NOT-ME).  For example:

When NINES throw away their unacceptable parts, they find themselves surrounded by irritable, opinionated, harsh, demanding, impatient, pushy people.  No wonder they want to avoid conflict with us and no wonder they are slow to express their opinions or preferences.  What chance do you have being heard by a bunch of bigoted, edgy, judgmental troublemakers?  Or who would want to stir up this nest of hornets?

Notice how the NINES have deposited their anger and assertion into others thereby making these resources unavailable to themselves.  There is considerable focused energy in being alert, intense, ambitious, and goal oriented.  As NINES identify more and more with their moving away from, laid back, other oriented persona, they lose touch with their proactive inner director and change agent.  Yet these are the adaptive qualities of the moving against THREE style that NINES need for balance.  Also NINES place these characteristics in a bad light by seeing them as ambitious, pushy, frantic, etc.

They need to rediscover what is good about being opinionated and pushy.  For example, opinionated pushy people know what they want and go after it.  Perhaps these characteristics need to be relabeled as “single-minded” and “determined.”  That doesn’t sound so bad.

NINES are afraid they won’t be liked or tolerated if they are too intense or too demanding.  If they ask for what they want, they may upset the harmony of the universe.  In fact the cosmos is quite capable of honoring their active force as well as their passive force – even though their caretakers may have gotten anxious around their energy.

For balance NINES can also access the SIXES’ resourceful features.  But they will be reluctant to move in that direction if they perceive phobic SIXES as being bigoted and prejudiced and counter-phobic SIXES as edgy and explosive.  NINES need to get in touch with their affiliative tendencies and move towards the center of the group as opposed to drifting to the fringe and remaining marginally involved.

To embrace both sides of their polarities, NINES need to find an all-inclusive ecumenical self-image.  Perhaps they might think of themselves as being “peaceful warriors” or having “effortless purpose” or expressing “open minded opinions.”

[These and other suggestions can be found in Jerry Wagner’s book: Nine Lenses on the World: the Enneagram Perspective]